BURDEN ON YOUR BACK

Lets be honest. Everyone of us have its own problems and stuff that they are dealing with on daily basis. Everyone has its own burden that in some days it is too heavy and in some days we manage to forget about it at least for few hours. Mainly that is a difference between good and bad days I guess.
The most lucky of us have someone in their life, friend, lover of family that helps us with that problems, helps us carry that burden and somehow it all gets easy. Yeah, some of us are really lucky. I know I am.

But then I was thinking about all the problems I think I have and the ones I actually have. I realized that sometimes I make problems where there aren't any. Thinking ahead of time, in future and in my mind I already made like 10 problems that might happen but still didn't and as far as I can tell, that is more heavy to bear then actual problems I have now. At this moment.
Then I read some articles about living in a moment, in present and I think to myself: "Yeah, easier said then done!".
Because my mind doesn't work that way. I mean I always think ahead. I know that it is not good for me, but hey, chocolate isn't good for me either, but I still eat it. :)

Over the years I manage to slow my mind down, to get ahead of it. I do breathing techniques, I do yoga and that really helps. My mind gets quite a bit.

But back to the point. Let me ask you guys did it ever happen to you that in most needed time you hear something that helps you in that moment? In that difficult time? Maybe it is a song, or quote, or something you overheard someone said. Something that you can relate with and automatically it helps you in that situation?
Well that happened to me the other day.

This month was very difficult for me. It was very stressful and I had some personal problems and I had heavy burden to carry with me. And even though I was one of the lucky ones that I mentioned on the start of this text, it was still very hard to deal with it.
So after few days I read something that really helped me and got me back on my feet.
So I want to share this with you in hope that someone who needs this lifting up will read it.
Because no matter how hard it gets, there is always someone who got it worse then you.

"SOMEONE OUT THERE WOULD KILL FOR ONE OF YOUR BAD DAY!"

MEMORIES AND STUFF

The other day I was feeling nostalgic a bit so I took all my pictures, older and new ones. I was going trough them and I could remember every detail from what was happening before taking that picture. Lots of people who are in those old photos are not in my life anymore. And that is fine. I learned that it wasn't meant to be. Not everyone will go with me until the end of my road and that is fine. Everyone of those people did their purpose in my life and I sure hope I left some mark, good mark in their life too. But we each went different directions, but we will always have something to share. Memories and good times that I will treasure.

But then as I went trough a little bit newer pictures I realized that for every person that part ways with me, I got a new one that entered my life. It seems like when life takes one person from your life, on your path you meet another one. And I thought how lucky I am. For each and every person in my life. For every experience, for every lesson, for every laugh, cry and every memory I have.

I was starting to feel grateful for every person that cross my path, for every person that left my life and that entered and stayed in it. I saw how many people made difference in my life and still are making difference. I realized that trough all my life I was surrounded with family that loves me and friends that are in some way my other family.
Am lucky because when I close my eyes, I can remember so many happy memories and when I open my eyes I can hug and kiss people that I love and are important in my life.

So for all of you guys there, if you are feeling sad or nostalgic or tired of everything, just go trough your old and new pictures, close your eyes and feel those memories, and I promise you, you will realize that you are going to be ok because you are surrounded with people who loves you.
And most of all, because you survived this far, you are strong enough to go further.

BAD GIRL VS GOOD GIRL!

So I have one friend who is one of those you call good girls. She is always careful about not doing anything wrong, to not insult anyone, not to curse. I swear that girl has some aura around her. She is 21 years old, younger 4 years then me, and I can't remember one day when she did something wrong, I can't remember when bad word went trough her mouth. She has never been in any trouble in her entire life. So all in all she is every contrast of me. :)

Even to this day I do some shit stuff, my whole life is messy and full of mistakes and rule breaking, but I swear I love every part of it. I did some good things that am proud of, and then again, some that am not. I broke hearts, but then again people broke mine too. I curse, I hate when someone tells me what I can't do and that is why most of my childhood I was in trouble, including puberty.
I help everyone when I can, I really have good intention but I am only human and am not even trying to hide my mistakes. They are part of me.

So I asked her what a hell is she doing with her life? Why is she so scared to live it how ever she wants it, and not how her parents and other people want?
When I asked her that she just put her head down and I can see that my words got to her.
I asked what are you afraid off?
She said that she is afraid to disappoint her family.
I felt so sorry for her. I mean even though they had tough time with me, but I always knew my parents love me and support me no matter what screw ups I do.
So I asked her isn't she afraid to disappoint herself? To wake up one day and realize that she has been living everyone else life and dreams just not hers?
She just nodded.
I hugged her and I told her that her life will pass her by living in a fear.
Latter that night she texted me and just one word was in that text. It said: "Karma?"
I asked her what about karma?
And she is like when you do something wrong, make mistakes, won't karma hit you and return every mistake you make?
I thought about it before I answer it, and yeah I said. Probably karma will hit you no matter what you do, but you know what I asked?
And she is like: "What?"
And I texted her: "It is worth it!"
She just answer with smiling face.

I was honesty hoping that helped her a bit, so that she can take control over her life before it is to late.
Because no matter of karma, everything I did wrong and good, I would do it again. Because even though it is good to play by the rules, but just sometimes, it feels sooooo good to be bad. :)

So she went her all life by the book, and I went trough mine breaking all the rules that I could.
And you know what?
In the end, I had much more fun then she had and I have so much good memories.
And I don't regret even one single screwed up mistake I did, no matter of price I payed for it.
It is mine, and I did it my way. :)
Anyway, bad decisions sometimes make the best stories.

GETTING OLD IS PRIVILEGE!

These days you can't open any magazine or page on that matter that doesn't scream of big ass, plastic surgery, too much exercising, diet and other dumb shit that famous people with too much money do because they are not able to accept the simple fact. They are getting old. And no amount of money can change that. They can maybe prolong that, but years will catch up with them, sooner or latter. Nobody ever escapes from years and eventually death.

I don't know where is the problem? I mean wrinkles mean you laughed, gray hair means you cared and scares means you lived. Am not saying that getting old means you give up, don't wash your hair and just sit in sweatpants. You can still dress up, put on some make up, and look nice. And wear the fu*k out of the wrinkles and your years. Point is you get old gracefully. You accept the fact that you lived long enough to learn, to become more wiser. Do they know how lucky they are? More and more young people die, weather it is from being sick or from accidents. Do they know that being old in this time seems to be a privilege?

I mean if you think about it, we were born with a clean, blank canvas. While years are passing by someone gets freckles, stretch marks, scares and all other evidence that we lived. Isn't that the coolest thing ever? Look at you now, look how far you made it. :)
Life is a miracle, and getting old is a good thing. It is a gift. Life gave you time to enjoy in your family and friend company, Maybe you got a chance to get old together with the love of your life or maybe even to see your children and grandchildren grow up. Isn't that something amazing? Isn't that something we all should look forward instead of being afraid?

Besides, being older doesn't means you can't do all crazy dumb things that you did when you were younger, it just means you will do them in slower way. :)

Wear your age gracefully, don't let age wear you. :)

Remember, it is not how old you look, it is how young you feel.

Good luck to us all. ;)

BE YOUR OWN HERO!

My mom always tells me that from every life of every person on this planet you can write a story. And a damn good one. Best selling books.
Because everyone has its own stories to tell.
Everyone has something that broke them, something that lift them up.
Everyone has its big love, huge crash of the same love.
Everyone has its own fights, its own defeats and victory.
Everyone has their own lessons they learned on a hard way.

So while thinking about that, I was wondering one thing.
What sets us apart from one another?
I mean we all have some stories to tell,
people we love, people that love us,
our fights and ups and downs.
Lost loves, missed chances and loved ones that died.
We all have tears and smiles.
Good and bad days.
We all have dream, hope, faith
and we all search that one thing
that will make us happy and calm.
So if everyone has its own stories to tell,
life that can write a book,
what is that one thing that sets apart one
story author from another?

And then it hit me. I knew the answer.
It is the way they carry their stories.
The way they tell it.
There are some people out there that have been trough so much,
that are tired and lost and are fighting
with their last atom of power
but we can't see that on them.
They still smile, they still have time to make others smile
and you know what? They carry their story and not the
other way around. They took everything that happen to them,
accept it and let it make them wiser and stronger.
And you will never hear that author of that life story
telling it in a way that he/she will put him/herself in a victim position.
Because you know what, he/she is not a victim.
Those people are fighters and survivors.
They are heroes of their own story.

So that is the difference.
So one day when you tell your story,
don't forget that you can choose what are
you going to be, hero or victim.
Is your story of life going to be full
of adventures and used chances,
or full of fear and regret.
It is up to all of you to decide,
because you know what.
You are your writer and author
of your own story and your life.
Every day write a good chapter of your book.

FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT!

Yesterday I was talking to my cousin who is 18 years old and she just finished high school and she doesn't know what to do next. She doesn't know will she study something and if she will what, or she can maybe find a job and work or both. She is trying to find herself and it seems to her like everyone knows what to do and that all of her friends got their shit together except her.
I just smiled while she was telling me that because I remember me in that exact situation after high school.
She told me like it is not funny and that it is easy for me when am keeping my shit together, I finished college and I have job.
And I started to laugh even harder and I asked her: "You really think that I or even your friends are keeping our shit together?"
And she was like: "Yeah, everyone except me!"

And I told her: "OK, listen to me now. I will tell you how my day went. I got up, and just as I reached door of my room to open them, I hit my little toe and I was jumping on one leg like an idiot. Then I went to bathroom, I took shower and my shampoo fall down and hit my leg again and I swore every bad word that I could think of in that moment. I dressed up and on half of my way to work place I remember I forgot my phone. So I came back for it, and I was late for work. Then I made three mistakes and while fixing them I had to stay hour extra, so instead 8 I worked 9 hours. Then I went and took two cakes and eat it all and after that I took ice cream and I could feel how am getting 5 pounds extra. But I already made my peace with the fact I won't have "summer body" this year so screw it. Then person that is closed to me told me that his mom is sick so I got stressed about that too, and I already spend my paycheck and it is not even close to the end of the month. So tell me, does that sound like a person that has her shit all together!??"
Now it was her turn to laugh. So when I heard her laughing, I started to laugh too.
And she was like: "But I swear you do look like you got your shit together, even though I was obviously wrong!" And she continues to laugh.
I told her: "Sweetie, nobody has his shit together all the time, not me, nor your friends, not even your parents. Nobody has it all together all the time. Am 25 years old and I still don't know what a hell do I want, but I will figure it out and so will you. Promise."
She just nodded.
And I asked her does she want to know my secret, and she said yes.
The I told her the secret: "Fake it until you make it!"
And she started to laugh again, and so did I.
And she was like: "Little toe? That had to hurt!?"
I said: "Like a mother fu*ker!"
Then she said good point: "How the hell do you survive the day without accidentally killing yourself?"
We were laughing so hard to that and I said to her that it beats the hell out of me.

So to all of you guys out there who thinks that everybody has their shit together except you, it is a lie. The only difference between you and them is in an attitude. That is it. Nobody is perfect, and everybody falls apart from time to time and we are all humans.
Fake it until you make it.
Just hold on all of you out there. ;)

AM TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT!

Friday night, me and my girlfriend, girls night out, night club, loud music, high heels, alcohol and very very bright colored lights. Sounds fun, right?
And it was for like hour and a half. Then half drunk and drunk idiots started to make moves on us, and honestly I wasn't drunk enough to tolerate that, my feet started to protest with pain because I made them stay for that long in freaking high heels and in that moment, everything started to annoy me. And I thought to myself: "Damn, am old!"

I mean am 25 years old and before you start to judge me, just listen. I have been going out since I was 15 years old. Of course, in that time I had to be home by midnight but still. How I was getting older, my freedom become bigger. So all in all there is like 10 years behind me of going out, loud music and drunk idiots and standing for hours in high heels while all colored lights are going in my eyes and honestly for them now I need sunglasses.
So yeah, am a bit old for this and frankly am tired.
Few years ago I wouldn't even notice all this that I notice now, I would just shake it off like Taylor Swift, but in 10 years I really got enough.
I couldn't leave because my friend was having fun and I didn't want to be party breaker so I knew that I need alcohol to survive this night.

So I was drinking not to get drunk, but just enough to become numb at everything around me and I enjoyed few good songs DJ was playing and I was thinking how good it would be that instead of this I went to a dinner, few glasses of wine and maybe afterwords some movie. It would be nice to be in a place where I could actually hear person talking to me.
But hour by hour and the night was over, so because club is near my house, I put my friend in taxi, and I walked barefoot while I was holding my purse in one hand and in other my heels. I need some air and peace.

I came home, showered and I slept like a baby. In the morning hangover kick in and while I was trying not to die I thought to myself: "Am too old for this shit!"
So yeah people, me and Mr Murtaugh from Lethal Weapon are too old for all kind of shits.
So I barely survived work with my hangover and when my friend texted me to go out again, I was like thanks but no thanks. So I bought myself my favorite cake, I put on some movie and I snuggled up in my sweet bed and I had the best Saturday night.

So for all of you guys who are young but kind of the old soul, any movies to recommend? :)