LOVE IS NOT JUST A WORD

So it took me 26 years, lots of tears, broken dreams, new beginnings and few times a broken heart, but now I finally figured it out. I was always questioning myself what did I do wrong or maybe I could have done things differently and maybe if I did, things would worked out.
Lots of time wasted on blaming myself for all the wrong persons I let into my life and into my heart.
It took me to kiss lots of frogs to finally meet my prince and after all that time, now I finally know what love is.

Love is his "How are you? Did you sleep good? Do you need anything? Did you eat? How was your day? Text me when you come home safe."
Love is when he brings you lunch home because he knows you hate to cook. Love is when he kiss you in a forehead, when he gets you lots of chocolate on your period days. Love is when he makes you soup and tea when you are sick. Love is when he lets you watch movie you want even though on TV is his favorite show. Love is when he learns how to understand words you don't even say. Love is feeling not a word. Love is when he makes everything in his power to make you feel safe and loved without even saying those words "I love you".
And if he would never say them, you know that he loves you, because love is not just a word. Love is the way he is acting towards you. Anyone can say "I love you" and not meant it. But to show you his love every days in small ways, that can't do someone who doesn't feel love towards you.

I would repeat every mistake I did, go trough all pain, tears and heartbreak again if that would mean my journey will take me to him again. Because, he is worth it. 

And I can never thank him enough for showing me the way. For teaching me what true love really looks like. 

I know am sometimes hard to handle, that I have walls build around me but he knows that. And he is knocking them down one by one with his love and patience. 

That my people, is what love is all about.  :)

PLANS VS LIFE

Lats night I analyzed my life so far, decisions I made and roads I didn't took and the ones I thought I would pass through but never manage to get to them, either by destiny or by making other choices.

I wanted to finish Art Academy and I end it up getting Master degree in Journalism and PR. I had boyfriend through my college that I could swear I would spend my life with, we ended up broken and totally stranger to each other. I thought I will have my best friend close to me my whole life, and that we will always drink and gossip people we don't like, even when we are old and grumpy but life had its own plans on that one too, so she moved to Italy. Even though distance doesn't change anything and we are still there for each other, but I do miss her.

So while thinking about that, and all other different roads I went through against all my plans I had for me I realized one thing. It still ended up good and I am still fine.
I didn't finish Art Academy but I am damn good at my job and am good at writing, and most of all I enjoy it so even though it didn't go according to my plans, it ended up pretty good.
Even though I loved that guy I dated in college and we never reached our plans we had for us, family marriage and all that, even though we broke up, I met a guy that is perfect for me. If we never broke up, I would never met the love of my life, I would never knew how it feels when someone gives himself whole to you and doesn't expect nothing in return. I would never felt real love and I would never knew how much am I missing in life. I would just settle for less of a man, and now I know that even then in that relationship, I deserved so much better. And now I got what I really deserved. :)
And regarding my girl, my best friend moved far away from me, but thanks to that we now know how strong our friendship is. That not even distance and busy schedule can make us stop caring and loving each other. We will always be friends, sister and soul mates.

So in the end I realized, that this roads I traveled throughout my life are not worst then the ones I had in my plans and in my mind, they are just different, and in some ways even better.
I learned that even though road is different then you expected, it doesn't mean it is a bad thing.
Just go with a flow breath and trust your journey.
You will be fine. :)

YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE-LIVE IT!

Hi everyone. These days I haven't been very active and not because I was lazy,
but because I had no inspiration. It is not like nothing happen, but my mind
was all over the place, and I couldn't just pick up one topic to concentrate on.
Because frankly I  didn't had time to just sit down and think about it, or anything
else on that matter. And then I realized, time is everything.

And imagine how much time do we spend on things that don't matter?
Like worrying about what someone thinks about you,
or are you smart enough, or are you slim enough....
And the worst part is, time is being wasted on waiting.
We always wait for something. We wait for tomorrow to do something
that make us happy, we wait for another time to relax and give yourself
some time to recharge. And we all need that time every once in a while.
We wait for better days, we wait for rain to stop, we wait for summer, winter and
some other season. We wait for promotion,
for love, for someone to understand your worth.
All we really do is just wait for something, and the thing is
we won't live forever.
Nobody knows how much time do we have on this Earth.
And for some reason, we take that time we have for granted and
we continue to waste it.
Time is precious. If you love someone, tell them that.
If you miss someone, pick up a phone and call them.
If you are out with family, friends or a lover,
leave all phones and technology and just enjoy the company.
Live in a present. Don't think about past or future and take the most
out of every moment you have and don't take it for granted.
Common, go out there and live the shit out of your life and
that precious time you have.

BEING BORED = DANGEROUS

So everyone of us have those days, or mounts in there lives where nothing, and I literally mean nothing happens. It is like we call it static period.
And some people love those periods, especially introvert people. They enjoy boring days when they can be at peace. Some people even enjoy routine because they are scared of changes.

Some people on the other hand don't like it, but somehow can get trough it. And when the wind changes and something interesting starts to happen, they feel like they are alive again.
And some people are dangerous when they feel that they are bored and that they are stuck in a routine.
I am in that third section.
I can't think of one moment in my life when me being bored didn't result in me getting myself into trouble and turning my life in a disaster.
I have very good imagination when getting me in trouble is in stake. Doesn't matter is that emotional trouble, screwing up good relationship I have and finding an idiot to complicate my life or something else, either way, I will find a way to make things interesting for me again.

Am just that kind of person as long as I can remember. My mom, poor thing, had full hands raising me and keeping me out of trouble. But as far as I can tell, those days she always remembers with a smile on her face.
When she talks about me hanging from a tree, so when she would tell me I can't ever climb on that tree again I would climb on another one and when she would get angry I would just told her: "You said I can't climb on that one, you said nothing about this one." and even now I can remember her trying her best not to laugh and to stay serious and mad at me. Or when I put glue on door handles of every apartment in our building to people I didn't like, you can see some spark in her eyes when she is telling someone who has same crazy child how she survived me being hyperactive.
And by the way, yes I needed to clean every door handle I screwed up with.
But point is she knows me, and she knows that I even felt bored to sit and eat.
Yes my people, like a child I didn't want to sit and eat so I would stand over the table and eat.
I wasn't a bad kid, but I was something that you would call hyperactive and I am who I am.

So you can imagine how proud my mom felt when she saw me graduate, getting my master degree and working, because she was like: "Good, you didn't end up pregnant or in jail." :)
And she really did raise me well, and even now before I do something or make some choice, I always have her voice in my head.

Now I am little bit older and I kind of manage to stay out of big troubles, but even so, now and then I find a way to make my life difficult. Because difficult means that something is happening and am not bored.
My mind just works that way, and when ever I tell my mom am bored, she is like: "God help us all!" ;)

BURDEN ON YOUR BACK

Lets be honest. Everyone of us have its own problems and stuff that they are dealing with on daily basis. Everyone has its own burden that in some days it is too heavy and in some days we manage to forget about it at least for few hours. Mainly that is a difference between good and bad days I guess.
The most lucky of us have someone in their life, friend, lover of family that helps us with that problems, helps us carry that burden and somehow it all gets easy. Yeah, some of us are really lucky. I know I am.

But then I was thinking about all the problems I think I have and the ones I actually have. I realized that sometimes I make problems where there aren't any. Thinking ahead of time, in future and in my mind I already made like 10 problems that might happen but still didn't and as far as I can tell, that is more heavy to bear then actual problems I have now. At this moment.
Then I read some articles about living in a moment, in present and I think to myself: "Yeah, easier said then done!".
Because my mind doesn't work that way. I mean I always think ahead. I know that it is not good for me, but hey, chocolate isn't good for me either, but I still eat it. :)

Over the years I manage to slow my mind down, to get ahead of it. I do breathing techniques, I do yoga and that really helps. My mind gets quite a bit.

But back to the point. Let me ask you guys did it ever happen to you that in most needed time you hear something that helps you in that moment? In that difficult time? Maybe it is a song, or quote, or something you overheard someone said. Something that you can relate with and automatically it helps you in that situation?
Well that happened to me the other day.

This month was very difficult for me. It was very stressful and I had some personal problems and I had heavy burden to carry with me. And even though I was one of the lucky ones that I mentioned on the start of this text, it was still very hard to deal with it.
So after few days I read something that really helped me and got me back on my feet.
So I want to share this with you in hope that someone who needs this lifting up will read it.
Because no matter how hard it gets, there is always someone who got it worse then you.

"SOMEONE OUT THERE WOULD KILL FOR ONE OF YOUR BAD DAY!"

MEMORIES AND STUFF

The other day I was feeling nostalgic a bit so I took all my pictures, older and new ones. I was going trough them and I could remember every detail from what was happening before taking that picture. Lots of people who are in those old photos are not in my life anymore. And that is fine. I learned that it wasn't meant to be. Not everyone will go with me until the end of my road and that is fine. Everyone of those people did their purpose in my life and I sure hope I left some mark, good mark in their life too. But we each went different directions, but we will always have something to share. Memories and good times that I will treasure.

But then as I went trough a little bit newer pictures I realized that for every person that part ways with me, I got a new one that entered my life. It seems like when life takes one person from your life, on your path you meet another one. And I thought how lucky I am. For each and every person in my life. For every experience, for every lesson, for every laugh, cry and every memory I have.

I was starting to feel grateful for every person that cross my path, for every person that left my life and that entered and stayed in it. I saw how many people made difference in my life and still are making difference. I realized that trough all my life I was surrounded with family that loves me and friends that are in some way my other family.
Am lucky because when I close my eyes, I can remember so many happy memories and when I open my eyes I can hug and kiss people that I love and are important in my life.

So for all of you guys there, if you are feeling sad or nostalgic or tired of everything, just go trough your old and new pictures, close your eyes and feel those memories, and I promise you, you will realize that you are going to be ok because you are surrounded with people who loves you.
And most of all, because you survived this far, you are strong enough to go further.

BAD GIRL VS GOOD GIRL!

So I have one friend who is one of those you call good girls. She is always careful about not doing anything wrong, to not insult anyone, not to curse. I swear that girl has some aura around her. She is 21 years old, younger 4 years then me, and I can't remember one day when she did something wrong, I can't remember when bad word went trough her mouth. She has never been in any trouble in her entire life. So all in all she is every contrast of me. :)

Even to this day I do some shit stuff, my whole life is messy and full of mistakes and rule breaking, but I swear I love every part of it. I did some good things that am proud of, and then again, some that am not. I broke hearts, but then again people broke mine too. I curse, I hate when someone tells me what I can't do and that is why most of my childhood I was in trouble, including puberty.
I help everyone when I can, I really have good intention but I am only human and am not even trying to hide my mistakes. They are part of me.

So I asked her what a hell is she doing with her life? Why is she so scared to live it how ever she wants it, and not how her parents and other people want?
When I asked her that she just put her head down and I can see that my words got to her.
I asked what are you afraid off?
She said that she is afraid to disappoint her family.
I felt so sorry for her. I mean even though they had tough time with me, but I always knew my parents love me and support me no matter what screw ups I do.
So I asked her isn't she afraid to disappoint herself? To wake up one day and realize that she has been living everyone else life and dreams just not hers?
She just nodded.
I hugged her and I told her that her life will pass her by living in a fear.
Latter that night she texted me and just one word was in that text. It said: "Karma?"
I asked her what about karma?
And she is like when you do something wrong, make mistakes, won't karma hit you and return every mistake you make?
I thought about it before I answer it, and yeah I said. Probably karma will hit you no matter what you do, but you know what I asked?
And she is like: "What?"
And I texted her: "It is worth it!"
She just answer with smiling face.

I was honesty hoping that helped her a bit, so that she can take control over her life before it is to late.
Because no matter of karma, everything I did wrong and good, I would do it again. Because even though it is good to play by the rules, but just sometimes, it feels sooooo good to be bad. :)

So she went her all life by the book, and I went trough mine breaking all the rules that I could.
And you know what?
In the end, I had much more fun then she had and I have so much good memories.
And I don't regret even one single screwed up mistake I did, no matter of price I payed for it.
It is mine, and I did it my way. :)
Anyway, bad decisions sometimes make the best stories.